27.09.2024
I became more and more disappointed in MBTI as I was struggling to find a type that resonated with me. None of them seemed to be quite right. Could it be that I just don't have an MBTI type at all? Am I too young to type myself? Or maybe I don't know myself as well as I think I do? Or... is MBTI - bullshit?
I started seeing holes in this typology system. Why do Introverted types have swapped J/P values? Turns out, the reason is that Myers and Briggs thought that Extroverted functions are more detectable or whatever, so Judging and Perceiving should be decided by the first Extroverted function, which comes second for Introverted types. Well, that's weird... Okay, then what about these 'quadras'? Why are NT and NF types grouped together, while SF and ST aren't? I don't remember the reasoning for this one, but I assure you it's just as absurd. And, most importantly, what does personality have to do with any of this?!
That's when I discarded MBTI completely and just ignored everything that has to do with it. To replace this system, I went deeper into the Enneagram. I learned that there is more to it than RHETI, I started reading Naranjo, Ichazo, Chestnut... And began questioning my Enneagram type as well. At first, it was more of a joke: haha, isn't it funny that I'm disintegrating into Seven? When all the types are so interconnected, it's a bit difficult to figure out whether you are mistyped or just moving along the lines. But eventually, it became obvious that 5w4 514 is, indeed, a mistype. I started reading about type Seven, but not all things immediately fell into place, not after living with misconceptions about oneself for quite a few years. I wouldn't say typology is 'dangerous' in that regard, as I don't think it can make things worse if you are already confused about yourself. But when everything just 'clicks', it is the most pleasant of realizations.
And so, mistype by mistype, I eventually came close to my current typing, but there were still some holes, like instinctual stack for example. Honestly, these 'subtypes' are probably one of the worst things to happen to the Enneagram, and Personality Database is still boiling in this soup... Regardless, I figured that there is Sexual somewhere in my stacking, but where exactly, I didn't know. I also mistakenly thought that I must have Self-Preservation because of my ability to get by on absolute material minimum (Psychosophy foreshadowing!) and save resources (Instinct Zones foreshadowing?). Which means, I must be Social-blind as well. Seemed accurate enough, as I am pretty introverted for a Seven, and even somewhat misanthropic. That's what being Social-blind means... right? Well, obviously wrong, but whatever.
At some point I realized that all this Self-Preservation stuff is just not my thing at all. That's when I rediscovered the Enneagrammer bunch and started listening to their podcast, Big Hormone Enneagram. The way they interpret and describe instincts opened my eyes once more. I learned how they can be observed outside of subtypes, which they certainly can! When I was reading Naranjo's and Chestnut's descriptions of subtypes, they sounded like caricatures that I just didn't find all that useful or relatable. The closest one was Social Five, but I already know I'm not a Five! The way BHE approach instincts, however, makes a lot more sense to me. They understand and talk about them completely separately from numbered types, which cleared a lot of confusion I was having with these made up subtypes.
I believe this is a good time to mention r/Enneagram, as I don't believe it is as bad as people make it out to be, and it's definitely better than PDB by a long shot. A lot of people on this subreddit are just as skeptical of the usefulness of subtypes as I am. There are some genuinely good posts out there that have helped me throughout my Enneagram journey, a lot of which are made by users such as u/RafflesiaArnoldii and u/LonelyNight9, to name a few.